I've found him, now I miss him.

I miss BW. I've been more alone than usual this past month, life really is different without my boyfriend. We've been together almost 5 years now, and most of it has gone by so fast. It's crazy. I miss having someone at night, I miss calling him up and making plans to hang out, head to disneyland, see a movie, go to a party.

I miss standing up on my toes to kiss him. I miss the way he smells and the way he kisses my hand when we're driving. I miss everything about him. I also missed him so much that I tried in some ways to feel closer to him. And those ways worked; I not only feel closer to him, but I feel like I know him a little better.

I don't know what I'd do if I had to miss him forever. Our love is a great love, it's intense but also comfortable. It's exciting and fresh even after all this time but also familiar and cozy, and relaxed. These are feelings in a relationship I have never felt before. Somehow, I've found someone whom I love so intensely and hard that it sometimes hurts and sometimes it scares me, someone who is truly my best friend, who actually understands me, who I don't fake anything around. But I've also found a constant in him, a knowing feeling that he'll always feel the same way and be in my life.. almost like I found a family member whose bond can never be broken... He knows I do not like the roller coasters and hurdles life puts you through, I do not like instability or change, and although he is someone who is very different from me (change and new things excite him, and he can handle the loops and swirls of life better than I), we are a good balance. He's made me more open to new things in life. He honestly teaches me something new every day (from how those power windmill things work on the way to Palm Springs to what looks cool on an old chopper). I look at him and I see someone who has been through a lot, but still manages to laugh every day (more like every hour), find fun and humor in anything, and be nice and eager to meet and engage anyone whose path he crosses. If he is ever having a weak day or moment, he rarely shows it.

When I first met him, I knew he was that person that lights up a room. He was that person that his friends really looked forward to seeing and talking to, hearing his funny stories and just in general being around him.

I'm so proud, just truly proud, to have a guy like him love me. I feel so special, blessed, and lucky, because for a love like ours, it takes the right timing, perseverance, and a bit of luck.

But back to the waiting... I'd wait a hundred years for him. 6 weeks is nothing. Can't wait to celebrate his return!!!!